Stop Answering Your Kid’s Questions

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Stop Answering Your Kid’s Questions

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/stop-answering-your-kid-s-questions

Michelle Woo

getpocket.com

Before you can tell them that you got a C- in geography or that you once thought the word XING on the road was pronounced “Zing,” your children will see you as a perfect human knowledge-dispensing machine. And they will ask you a lot of questions.

Why can’t I eat gummy worms for breakfast?

Why are planets round?

Why does your face look like that?

And you will do your best to answer them.

Because of diabetes.

Because of gravity.

Because of … gravity.

It is wonderful that kids are so inquisitive, and you should freely and eagerly dole out your wisdom for a while, but there comes a point when you should stop. A former math teacher named Steven Clarke explained why on Quora when a parent posted the question: “My toddler asks ‘why?’ to just about everything. How should I handle this?”

In his striking response, which was one of hundreds, Clarke wrote:

Most of the advice here is about how to answer your child’s questions, but that practice reinforces the idea that the way to gain knowledge is to seek answers from an authority.

No doubt this is frequently a useful approach, but it’s clear that your child already knows how to do this (since they are asking you a question).

It’s much better to take this opportunity to work on the important but much-neglected skill of trying to figure things out for yourself! Ask the child what they think the answer is.

Frequently, for simple questions, you (and the child) may be surprised to find that they already know the answer, or at least part of it.

He gave some examples of how turning the spotlight back on the child might work in real-life scenarios, showing that it can be effective whether the kid has some knowledge of the topic or zero clue. He breaks down the idea with the classic “Why is the sky blue?” question:

Child: “Why is the sky blue?”
Parent: “Can you think of any reason why it might be?”
Child: “Umm... maybe someone colored it with a blue crayon.”
Parent: “Maybe. How big of a crayon would they need?”
Child: “A crayon as big as our house!”
Parent: “Wow! That’s really big! Do you think there is a crayon that big? Who would be able to lift it?”

And so on.

By prompting kids to think for themselves instead of giving them an immediate answer (or reading something off the Internet—“Well, you see, light energy travels in waves ..”), you’re helping them gain the critical skill of independent analysis. (More people on Twitter could probably use this skill.) As a parent, it’s also fascinating to learn how the little gears in your kid’s brain are turning.

And it gets you out of the hot seat, too. I hate to break it to you, but there will come a time when your children’s knowledge of certain topics will exceed your own. That’s okay. As long as you’ve taught them how to think through the possibilities and figure out the steps to finding the answer, you will no longer need to serve as a fact-dispensing robot.

https://www.quora.com/My-toddler-asks-why-to-just-about-everything-How-should-I-handle-this

Handling a toddler’s incessant “why” questions can be both challenging and rewarding. Here are some strategies to consider:

  • Encourage Curiosity:

    Recognize that asking “why” is a natural part of learning. Respond positively to your child’s curiosity to foster a love for exploration and knowledge.

  • Provide Simple Explanations:

    When answering, keep your responses simple and age-appropriate. Use straightforward language and concepts your toddler can grasp.

  • Use Examples:

    Relate answers to their everyday experiences. For instance, if they ask why the sky is blue, you could explain it in terms of sunlight and how it interacts with the atmosphere.

  • Ask Questions Back:

    Sometimes, turn the question around to encourage critical thinking. For example, if they ask, “Why do trees have leaves?” you might respond, “What do you think leaves do?”

  • Set Limits When Needed:

    If the questioning becomes overwhelming or repetitive, it’s okay to gently set boundaries. You might say, “That’s a great question! Let’s save some for later.”

  • Encourage Exploration:

    Suggest activities that allow them to explore their questions, like looking at books, going outside, or doing simple experiments.

  • Be Patient:

    Understand that this phase is part of their development. Patience and understanding will go a long way in nurturing their inquisitive nature.

By embracing their curiosity and providing thoughtful responses, you can support their learning while maintaining your sanity!

The best way to handle the “why” questions children ask is by asking them to elaborate their question, or by asking them to try answering their question. This can be done by saying phrases like “Can you tell me more?” or “That is an interesting question, why do you think?”

Young toddlers and children start asking “why” because they are trying to understand the world around them. You can give them an actual answer, however, if you ask them to elaborate or answer their own question, you are actually helping them to think critically about their questions. This will not only increase their understanding about the topic but also give you an idea of how their brain works.

I worked as a toddler teacher under an experienced lead teacher in a Child Development center. She gave me this idea of asking the children open-ended questions about their own questions. This strategy helped us evaluate the children’s understanding of a particular concept, help the children think critically about their questions and also promote their language development. This strategy is very useful in older children too!

Questions which have one word or two word answers are called low level questions. Questions which require analysis, application and evaluation are called high level questions. So, if your children ask you “why” to just about everything, it means they are trying to build their knowledge. A curious child is a clever child!

So, the next time your children ask you high level questions, use this opportunity to build their critical thinking capacity, by asking them to elaborate their questions and encourage them to try answering their own questions.

It is a very simple technique but has a very lasting effect on the child’s brain. Asking children open-ended questions help not only in their cognitive development but also their language development.

Take inspiration from this chemistry professor:

source: A DIALOGUE WITH SARAH, AGED 3: IN WHICH IT IS SHOWN THAT IF YOUR DAD IS A CHEMISTRY PROFESSOR, ASKING “WHY” CAN BE DANGEROUS

About Stephen McNeil

Stephen McNeil is an Assistant Professor of Chemistry at the University of British Columbia Okanagan in Kelowna, British Columbia. To date, he has been interviewed on the radio four times: twice he was talking about chemistry, and twice he was talking about pirates. His favourite element is the element of surprise.

SARAH: Daddy, were you in the shower?

DAD: Yes, I was in the shower.

SARAH: Why?

DAD: I was dirty. The shower gets me clean.

SARAH: Why?

DAD: Why does the shower get me clean?

SARAH: Yes.

DAD: Because the water washes the dirt away when I use soap.

SARAH: Why?

DAD: Why do I use soap?

SARAH: Yes.

DAD: Because the soap grabs the dirt and lets the water wash it off.

SARAH: Why?

DAD: Why does the soap grab the dirt?

SARAH: Yes.

DAD: Because soap is a surfactant.

SARAH: Why?

DAD: Why is soap a surfactant?

SARAH: Yes.

DAD: That is an EXCELLENT question. Soap is a surfactant because it forms water-soluble micelles that trap the otherwise insoluble dirt and oil particles.

SARAH: Why?

DAD: Why does soap form micelles?

SARAH: Yes.

DAD: Soap molecules are long chains with a polar, hydrophilic head and a non-polar, hydrophobic tail. Can you say ‘hydrophilic’?

SARAH: Aidrofawwic

DAD: And can you say ‘hydrophobic’?

SARAH: Aidrofawwic

DAD: Excellent! The word ‘hydrophobic’ means that it avoids water.

SARAH: Why?

DAD: Why does it mean that?

SARAH: Yes.

DAD: It’s Greek! ‘Hydro’ means water and ‘phobic’ means ‘fear of’. ‘Phobos’ is fear. So ‘hydrophobic’ means ‘afraid of water’.

SARAH: Like a monster?

DAD: You mean, like being afraid of a monster?

SARAH: Yes.

DAD: A scary monster, sure. If you were afraid of a monster, a Greek person would say you were gorgophobic.

(pause)

SARAH: (rolls her eyes) I thought we were talking about soap.

DAD: We are talking about soap.

(longish pause)

SARAH: Why?

DAD: Why do the molecules have a hydrophilic head and a hydrophobic tail?

SARAH: Yes.

DAD: Because the C-O bonds in the head are highly polar, and the C-H bonds in the tail are effectively non-polar.

SARAH: Why?

DAD: Because while carbon and hydrogen have almost the same electronegativity, oxygen is far more electronegative, thereby polarizing the C-O bonds.

SARAH: Why?

DAD: Why is oxygen more electronegative than carbon and hydrogen?

SARAH: Yes.

DAD: That’s complicated. There are different answers to that question, depending on whether you’re talking about the Pauling or Mulliken electronegativity scales. The Pauling scale is based on homo- versus heteronuclear bond strength differences, while the Mulliken scale is based on the atomic properties of electron affinity and ionization energy. But it really all comes down to effective nuclear charge. The valence electrons in an oxygen atom have a lower energy than those of a carbon atom, and electrons shared between them are held more tightly to the oxygen, because electrons in an oxygen atom experience a greater nuclear charge and therefore a stronger attraction to the atomic nucleus! Cool, huh?

(pause)

SARAH: I don’t get it.

DAD: That’s OK. Neither do most of my students.

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